It is my belief that a man can change himself if he wishes for it long enough, works hard enough, and is presented with an event capable of grasping his core. 4 years ago I was unhappy with who I was. I wasn’t aware of it consciously but I am now. I had everything I needed in life, a good head, strong body, good looks, and most of my health with a world of opportunities at my feet. Yet, I lingered consistently unwilling to dedicate myself to any cause or task, afraid that I may fail. I followed others when I should have followed my heart, and I wasted my time applying just enough effort to get by. The truth was I had notion of who I was, and sadly enough, I don’t think I even once thought there could be more to me than my initial desires. Unfortunately it has been my experience over the past four years in which I have woken up, that I can see most people live in this fashion, sacrificing the great gift of consciousness and the ability to apply to meaning to life, simply because the effort to achieve this state is too great. It seems most people live this way, or how else could such atrocities as the holocaust or the rape of Africa and its people occur. I am getting off topic, though perhaps I will return to philosophy once again once I have told my story in its entirety.
My story begins 4 years ago almost to the day, on Thursday before easter weekend. My stomach had been acting up for 3 years by that point and it had become common knowledge that chocolate in large amounts was a bad idea. However, I still believed I was invincible so that afternoon I downed two double fudge chocolate brownies. Sure enough by nightfall my stomach began to ache, unfortunately this time it did not disappear. Instead my stomach stopped completely and by morning I was bloated, dehydrated and quickly turning septic, something was very wrong. By 8.00 am I was admitted the Ottawa Civic Hospital where my aunt worked and I was able to receive care immediately. The doctors were baffled as my X-rays showed nothing, although I presented signs of a blockage. For 2 more days I suffered in extreme pain until finally my belly had a reached size so large that waiting was no longer an option. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t drink, and I sure as hell couldn’t sleep so it was almost a relief that I was told I was going into surgery…almost. This event would begin a new life for me, and it is to my belief that that night my bowels were not only cut open, but so was my soul and in a similar to fashion to the way my bowels were reworked over the years by surgeons, I was given the chance to rework the very essence of who I was.
